Jolly Day
by Amaya-Ai
Summary: It's the anniversary of Masaki Kurosaki's death, and the members of the Kurosaki family are having a hard time expressing their feelings without interrupting it with humor. A little angsty when Ichigo arrives. T for Ichigo and Karin's abusiveness!
1. Jolly Day

**A/N: Hey, how about that? Since I have time to waste now, I'm writing a family Bleach fiction! BAHA! I hope you enjoy! :D  
Disclaimer: I hereby credit Tite Kubo for the plot and characters of _Bleach_, anime and manga.**

**Jolly Day**

Today was the day. The day they'd climb up that giant concrete and grass covered hill, the steep one that had no hope at the top, that held no happiness for all their hard work. Karin watched idly, all geared up, book in hand, tennis shoes on feet as Yuzu scrambled to pack all the food for their picnic. Their father bothered her with chirp-like ramblings, but Karin didn't listen, and Yuzu responded to him in her place. When he realized that Karin was not listening, he scrambled to the poster of Masaki Kurosaki, whining about how mean Karin was.

Oh, such a jolly day. A sunny day, a day that could be one to remember, but by the end of the day, it always rained.

Ichigo was always somewhere while they were walking, but he always made it in time for the picnic. In the recent two years, they'd all begun to sit down next to Masaki's grave and say things aloud to her as she rested. Things that they regret that they didn't say, things that they would have told her about if she were alive, like say, Yuzu learning how to cook something new, or Karin winning a soccer tournament with the help of her team.

Ichigo skipped that part last year.

The year before that, his turn had been awkward, but they'd all talked, and laughed, as though Masaki were sitting atop her grave and leaning back against the gravestone of hers, smiling at them, lighting up the city with that natural beauty she'd passed on to her children.

With the basket all packed up and the incomplete family all _fired_ up, they headed out the door and to the steep hill that they had travel up for years.

**. ~ . ~ .**

Ten years. It had been ten years. The woman that held their family together had died ten years back when her son was nine and Yuzu and Karin were _barely_ five years old. Almost. And yet, the two young women remembered their mother with great vividness, loved their mother with all their heart and hoped that they would see her again, somehow, _some way_.

They had an aching that would match Ichigo's, no matter how blind Ichigo was to it. He knew his sisters hurt, but he felt guilt.

Karin knew that better than anybody, because while two occupants of the house slept fitfully the years before Ichigo became a substitute, Karin lie awake the night before the picnic and listen to her brother's hushed sighs, and sometimes, shallow breaths as silent sobs wracked through his body. Sometimes an apology spilled from his quivering lips in the night. Karin was both glad and sad when this had stopped, when he had been gone some years during the night, and she didn't have to listen to the blame he gave himself, although he did not deserve it.

She longed to comfort her older brother, but what would she say, when she lie curled up in a ball, nursing her own building sobs inside her chest? She was able to hold them in, she never cried, not that day, not the night before the picnic, and not the night after it. During the year, sometimes she would visit the grave, and cry for a short time, but she would never actually cry like Ichigo cried the nights before that date. The kind of cries where he hid them and looked strong the next day.

Yet, the remaining members of the Kurosaki family worried after him as they climbed that steep hill, even though they all looked unbelievably happy, readiness uncontainable. Isshin even had a speech prepared for his dear Masaki.

**. ~ . ~ .**

"12:00 noon! Guess what that means!" Isshin called from the very top railing where his wife's grave was held. Yuzu and Karin moved from their shade at their picnic table to follow Isshin to Masaki's grave.

They gathered around the grave, and silence was made for a full minute, each giving Ichigo one last chance to join them on time. He didn't show up.

"I'd like to start this year," Karin volunteered. She was going to make hers short and sweet so it could be over with. Positioning herself closer to her mother's grave, she closed her eyes and imagined her mother looking right at her.

"I made captain of the soccer team this year. There are a few guys on the team that are real jerks, so I deal with them a lot-at least, when they're pickin' on me and my friends. I also made at least a B in each of my classes, I'm really proud of myself. I know you would be, too. I've been working really hard, trying to be the best at soccer, and I will be. I think of you whenever I'm in the middle of an intense soccer game, or a fight, and think how you would be cheering me on in your own way, whether it be scolding me with something like, 'Karin! You shouldn't beat up _scum_ who are picking on your friends. Be the bigger person!'"

Isshin laughed a little, a serene look on her face, and Yuzu sobbed a little, quieting herself so that she wouldn't interrupt her sister's speech, which was turning out way longer than Karin had meant it to. She took a deep breath.

"Anyway, I just wanted to tell you all that I'm excited about, and even though I hardly visit you during the year, I still think about you every day until the next anniversary comes."

Karin fell silent and nodded toward Isshin and Yuzu.

"Karin… that was…" Isshin began. For a moment, she actually thought he would be serious but he burst into comical tears and said, "That was beautiful! I couldn't have said it better _myself_!"

Isshin proceeded to coddle her and tell her what a good job she did, which earned a swift kick to the gut in response.

"I'll go next!" their father volunteered childishly, hastily wiping Yuzu's tears away and taking out his speech that he'd prepared, "My _dear_ Masaki!"

"Oh, brother…" Karin sighed, bringing her head to her hands in exasperation.

"Our children are turning out to be beautiful little women… and men?" Karin burst into laughter at that as Ichigo finally arrived and kicked his father in the back, but Isshin continued on as though nothing had happened while Yuzu scooted over so that Ichigo could sit next to Masaki's grave.

"I think I'm doing a good job, _no matter_" he paused and stuck his tongue out at Karin as she scoffed, "no matter how mean they are, they each have their own opinions. Their own beliefs, their own desires. Their own goals. And each are strong enough to obtain them," the air took a turn of seriousness as Isshin stared around their half circle at each of his children, who, indeed, held goals that they could accomplish.

But the seriousness was short lived as Isshin began sobbing, "I just wanted-" he wiped his snot on his flower-covered sleeve, "I just wa-wanted to tell you, that I'm doing good without you and that I-"

"Oh, _come on_!" Ichigo scoffed and slapped his hand on his face as Karin just shook her head with equal exasperation.

There was more to his speech, but Isshin cut it short and ended with, "…that I love you."

There was more silence, but Karin, suddenly, broke the silence by clapping loudly, and Ichigo hooted in applause, Yuzu breaking out into a grin and clapping, although tears ran down her face.

"Thank you, thank you!" Isshin grinned, flexing his muscles, at which the children stopped clapping. Yuzu opened her mouth to begin, but Ichigo stopped her short when he raised his hand slightly and asked, "Can I go next?"

The gruffness of the Kurosaki family caused them all to look at him like they'd all just watch someone get eaten by a monster. Even Yuzu, with her affection, _never_ expected that Ichigo would volunteer.

"Yeah! Go Ichigo, woo!" Isshin cheered, pepped up from the applause that broke the silence of the last speech. It was like that every year, their lack of serious emotion causing them to end each speech with something funny. The others clapped for a moment, and Ichigo rolled his eyes and faced Masaki's grave.

"Mom…" he began.

But he found that he couldn't speak any words. No matter how many breaths he took, no matter how many times he told himself that he could do it, he could not. Upon seeing his upset face, the hurting look in his eyes, his father spoke enthusiastically.

"That's okay, Ichigo, you can go last!" Isshin grinned and gestured for Yuzu to begin.

"Mom," Yuzu smiled warmly, "I made great grades this year! My teacher gave me a sticker on the last test I took, and no teacher has done that since I was twelve. I got three dresses last week, they're very lovely!" she peeked at Karin, "I think Karin would look beautiful in all of them!"

The others laughed a little as she continued, "I've been learning a lot of new recipes so the family won't get bored of the meals I make. I tried learning from Inoue-chan, but, and don't tell her, the meals turn out terrible, even when prepared correctly. Normally, I just eat the yummy ingredients while she prepares the dish, anyway. It's hard to follow what you're supposed to do with them, since it always seems as though she's acting on impulse, and not by direction."

Yuzu smiled, "I don't have much more to say, except that I found a gray hair on dad's head last week, and that Karin looks more amazing with each day, and that Ichigo is growing into a strong, young man."

With the gray hair comment, both Isshin and Yuzu cried, and both Karin and Ichigo laughed.

"I've learned a lot this year, mom, and even though I'm not learning from you, I can still be happy about it. I love you a lot, and I miss you…." her voice trailed off quietly as she began sobbing. Ichigo put an awkward comforting hand on her back, but Isshin slapped it away comically and pulled her into a big hug.

When the commotion from Yuzu's speech had died down, Ichigo had also calmed down enough to say something to his mother.

"Mom. You're probably going to hear this from all your children for the coming years, but I learned a lot since the last anniversary. I didn't talk to you then, so I have two years worth of things to share with you, but I'll cut it short. I've gotten a lot stronger since I was fifteen, and I'm working very hard. I'm not proud of myself, so I'll keep working until I _am_ proud, and I'll protect this family like I couldn't protect you."

That was all he said. It was hard to break the silence without seeming insensitive, and Isshin did it _by _being insensitive.

"Time for food!"

"Dad!" Yuzu scolded, standing and following Isshin to the picnic table two levels of graves below in the small grassy field. Ichigo and Karin shared a smile and also stood, Ichigo patting her back twice on the way down until Karin stopped and gestured down the steps.

"Ladies first!" she grinned at him.

He scowled and went first, saying, "Yeah. Men, last."

Karin scowled much like he had and literally kicked him down both flights of stairs in response.

Oh, such a jolly day.

**. . . **

**A/N: Yeah, the fanfic wasn't supposed to end there, but I got bored. So I'll probably write the rest sometime next week, and since I just said that, sometime next month. XD Idunno, whenever I get bored, but you can be watching for it. MEANWHILE, I'll be working on WIAFGL, which WILL be ending, very very soon.**

**Thanks for reading, if you did!  
-Amaya**


	2. Unhappy Day

**A/N: I kind of like this ending. I hope you do, too. If you haven't already been informed I decided I'll still be under the name Amaya-Ai even if I have no stories posted there yet. This account will be named AmayaOLDACCOUNT, so beware of which is which. To get me started, if you have any prompts you want to challenge me with, go ahead and send them to me.  
In short, next week, this account won't be in use, but you can still review the stories on it and I'll still reply. If you want to see my current account, you can still just search Amaya-Ai.  
I don't own Bleach.**

**Chapter 2: Unhappy Day**

It was raining again when the Kurosaki family began their picnic. Their enthusiastic mood had not died down-and with the rain and the food beneath the wooden cover in the park, they would not allow it to do so.

Yuzu and Karin played in the puddles like they once so loved to do. Isshin took some pictures, sneak attacking Ichigo to get a few of him. Most of his sneak attacks ended with him being kicked in the gut out unto the playground. Ichigo was not tired, but he was determined to not join in on the fun. What would it mean for them to have fun on the day they were supposed to be mourning their mother's death?

In his eyes, it just wasn't right.

What on Earth was going on? Why was no one blaming him? He had caused all of this suffering, all of this denial, all of this regret.

"Ichigo, come play!" Yuzu requested of him. He shook his head almost immediately, and even though it was raining, he knew right away that her eyes began to water.

"I'm…not," he began, but was cut off by Yuzu.

"Oh, please! You're never home any more, and you never play! I miss you, Ichi…"

Karin had come to see what all the ruckus was about, and she rolled her eyes at Yuzu's statement.

"Oh, come on, Yuzu. Ichigo's incapable of having any fun," she rolled her eyes again and tugged at Yuzu's pink sleeve.

"Incapable of having fun?" Ichigo repeated, disbelieving.

"Yeah," Karin's eyes drooped mockingly. "Did I stutter?"

"Wha-I can _too_ have fun!" Ichigo assure defensively. "_You_ can't be serious, ever."

"Prove it. Come play," Karin said, completely ignoring his apparent insult to her.

"I-" he paused, scowling deeper, "I don't have to prove anything to you."

Karin just scoffed and walked away. Ichigo was left with the sinking feeling of regret.

**I.K.I.K**

The other three members of the Kurosaki family played in the rain for as long as they could take it, but soon, the memories became too much, and they all headed home.

It was a perilous and _cruel_ journey down the giant hill, the rain pounding against their fragile mortal bodies, the haunting guilt following them as they once again left their mother's corpse behind; however, it was not so bad when you had to be comforted like Yuzu and Isshin, and when you could do the comforting like Ichigo and Karin.

**I.K.I.K.**

However, not all protectors can keep their façade looking strong forever. Ichigo had been wrong, Karin could be serious very often.

Karin would reluctantly admit that she, too, cried, but never on _that_ date. That date was just too much, it was a day for celebrating her mother's life, as she put it. When the rain stopped that day and if she had been crying, then the rain in her heart would not stop. It would continue on. She would continue to cry; she would dream this nightmare forever; a nightmare where her mother was gone, and her sister couldn't have fun because she had too many responsibilities around the house.

A nightmare where her father had to act cheerful to keep the family alive when inside, he was dying with the pain of losing the one woman he would ever love in his life.

A nightmare where her brother paid little to no attention to his family because of his own reality in a world she knew nothing about.

It was getting too difficult to live, and learn, and _endure_ in a nightmare when she could only speak openly to a meaningless gravestone beneath where her mother's decaying corpse lie. A nightmare when the only friend that was incapable of causing her pain was a black and white ball, the only thing that could make her forget everything else.

So she would not cry on that day, but she would soon after. There was one day for healing; she would get rid of all her sadness from the day before.

There was another day for steeling; she would brace herself for her own torture the next day.

And finally, there was a day for visiting; she would go back and cry for her mother alone, cry for the life she was ashamed of because her mother couldn't be there to teach her about the things mothers were supposed to teach their daughters. She often questioned her mother on why she left. She believed that to some extent, people have a choice of whether to stay or go. Did Masaki believe that this was what was best for all of them? Because if she did, then she was very wrong.

Here she sat, hands on her knees, skies heavy with sadness, and for a while, she just thought. She thought about the times when she and Ichigo would play soccer together-Ichigo was the reason she had first learned how to play soccer. She thought about how Yuzu had comforted her so easily when Karin had felt useless after their mother's death. She thought about how much she loved her father and appreciated the sacrifices he made and the mask he put on for his children so that they could be happy, even though she acted like she didn't like her father. She thought about how they used to be a family even after Masaki's death, and how Ichigo ruined it for all of them. So, in reality, she realized that she did not blame Masaki, but she blamed Ichigo.

When her eyes became blurry with hot, antagonizing tears and her heart was pounding in her head with hidden _rage_, she heard footsteps behind her. She was not ready for someone to visit in her time alone; this was her time with her mother's spirit, and that was that. But she willed the tears away and sat still and quiet, despite the aching in her throat and chest.

"What are you doing here?" asked the familiar voice of her brother. Karin frowned.

"I should ask you the same question," she stated evasively.

"Do you come here often?" he wondered jokingly, dropping his school bag and crouching behind Karin.

"Not really."

There was a bit of an awkward silence until Ichigo spoke up again, genuinely meaning what he said. "Sorry that I didn't come play with you girls the other day."

Karin chuckled humorlessly. "Doesn't matter." She dared to wipe her eyes quickly before continuing. "You playing would have just made it worse."

Ichigo understood what she was referring to, and immediately knew that they were going to get into one of _those_ conversations, so he stood up and grabbed his bag, not really noticing Karin's fret, having not even noticed how she'd wiped her eyes before. Karin scoffed.

"What's funny?" Ichigo asked, throwing his bag over one arm.

"You are. You're not really observant any more. I get that you're a dumb-ass, but you're normally not _this_ dumb."

Ichigo's brow, if possible, furrowed even more. "What do you mean?"

"You're a soul reaper-Don't play dumb with me. You're a soul reaper, and that's all that matters to you. We don't matter. I don't care that you're trying to protect us, you're hurting us even more by trying to do that. We were fine before." He'd tried to deny it, but Karin was quick to sense it, even though she wasn't looking at him.

"Not true…" he said gruffly. "You guys matter plenty."

"Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?"

Ichigo was silent, and finally noticed that her voice was cracking and her shoulders were beginning to shake. His ears burned slightly with uncertainty; he had never really dealt with Karin crying in a situation that wasn't even urgent. Lately, he had been trying hard to put himself into their shoes, but his own thoughts just kept getting in the way. He wondered if this meant that he was selfish.

He just continued pondering as Karin's shallow breaths turned into soul-racking sobs; Karin Kurosaki didn't cry, and it pierced one's heart when you found her alone trying to get all her tears out for the next year.

"Everything is-" she sniffed, "is just f-falling apart!" she sobbed, hugging herself. "I can't do a-" she stopped to take a recollecting breath, "anything about it."

Ichigo didn't make any move to answer and Karin just kept crying for a few minutes, crumpling in front of her older brother, being steadily crushed into nothing. It was the first time he'd seen her cry so hard, even after Masaki's death she had shed a few tears in silence with only Ichigo as her quiet and supportive companion until a few months later, she just stopped.

"Are you done?" Ichigo asked bluntly, scowl still set in place. Karin's head snapped back to him in a gawk. One of Ichigo's brows were raised.

"…Do you know why the older brother is born first?"

Karin's brow furrowed as Ichigo smiled _only _slightly and began to walk away.

"So he can protect the little ones that come after him."

Karin's lip quivered and she burst into more tears. She had an amazing older brother, she decided. He could fight hollows and protect everyone, and he did it without fear, and he could even comfort someone without touching them. She vowed that day to be more useful to her family, and to be more like her brother.**  
**  
**I.K.I.K**

**A/N: I cried a little. LOL. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Review?**

**-Amaya**


End file.
